Last Cat On Mars Presents: Tokyo Dreaming, Or Wave Goodbye to the Rio Folympics

In the dim dark long ago, this little cat owned a VW Bug. Red it was, and gorgeous, and I drove it to college and back each day. Sometimes, my dear mother, Mrs On Mars, would accompany me over to the city where we’d pay bills and otherwise enjoy a day out. It was, however, a lightweight small vehicle and was often buffeted by not-very-strong winds as we crossed the bridge from the northside to the seething metropolis that was my regional hometown in the – well, a while ago. Such adventures we had, eh Pip.

Furthermore, there is nothing nicer than a trip to the beach, a fish and chip lunch, and an ice-cream with your beloved. Enjoy.

Surfers think they're already at Tokyo 2020 for the surfing competition

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Congratulations Chloe Esposito – Gold Medallist Modern Pentathlon

Hello sports-a-rama fans, and it goes without saying that we say from Mars: Congratulations and Celebrations to Chloe Esposito, a true all-rounder. Go you good thing, as we say in the Martian classics. Wait, you’ve already been and gone – yippeekyay from far away!!!!!

Chloe Esposito winning gold in pentathlon rio olympics 2016

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Folympic Dark Side – We Don’t Want To Go There

At the Dairy Queen oh-so-long ago, in the intermission between Saturday night movies at the Rex Theatre, some boys would buy a soft drink with a famous name (rhymes with bloke), add the contents of a once famous headache powder (rhymes with hex) mix it up, and, gasp, drink it. It gave them a little high. That’s all I know, your magnificence.

A group of scientists mixing up drugs to make athletes go faster, further, get stronger, bigger, etc.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Folympic Ffencing 2016

Do I remember a late Friday night, early Saturday morning, circa 1981, when a young man and myself fenced our way up the hill at Rosalie, fallen palm fronds for our epees, silliness our favourite feeling as we danced through the night? Why, yes, I do, and I sometimes wonder where that young man ended up, apart from decades older. Well, actually, I know, and I also know that we’ll always have that Friday-Saturday in Rosalie, and I certainly hope the palm fronds recovered well. Touche, Michael.

Fencers with cheer squad and carpenter with saw who's come to build a chicken coop (he has the wrong 'foil')

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Folympics Loves Cycling Selfies

I haven’t ridden a bicycle in many a long Martian year (not since high school, actually), but I heartily endorse those who do, as long as they stay out of the way of my RoverOverYou RoverMobile 3000a.

As for the selfie-centred, selfie-taking narcissists in Esther Williams formation, let’s simply nod our heads and wish them well, for soon enough their neediness will consume them, rather like a Martian dust storm during which one takes the opportunity offered by its handsome red cloudiness to RoverOver a few of them. Did I say that?

Cyclists on the outside, selfie takers inside the circle with panda asking the way to the Beijing Bamboodrome

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Folympics 2016 – Super Heroes Are Doing It For Themselves, Mostly

Who doesn’t love a self-regarding, supercilious super being? Don’t answer that. The Folympics welcomes all-comers, even the maintenance persons of the globe, and especially Julio, who reminds me of my beloved Daddy, Papa On Mars. He, too, could paint up a storm.

I well remember one lazy Saturday afternoon when Papa decided to paint my bedroom (which was actually a sleepout, but let’s not quibble about childhood traumas here). Dispensing with the need to move furniture or mirrors or other paraphernalia out of the way, Papa simply painted around them all, and had the job done in double, even triple quick time. Which was just as well, since we sold the joint the following week.

Goodness only knows what the new owners thought of their slightly abstract, slightly not-painted-at-all-really sleepout/bedroom of mine. What japes we had wondering about it on many a moonlit night before our Martian adventure.

Various super heroes and their winning ways at the Folympics/Olympics 2016

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Folympics 2016 – Gymnastic Fantastic

I used to collect ribbons as a kitten. Pretty, colourful little strips of fabric they were, fun for all occasions and useful when rounding up and lassooing the occasional recalcitrant canine. Now the Folympics have (has?) discovered them in all their lengthy and glorious annoyingness. We in the feline fold, salute and respect your endeavours. Did they actually have ribbons at Rio this year? Well, they did at the Folympics and that’s all that matters, Ginger.

Olympic gymnast with far too long ribbon