Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Many Interpretations of Modern Sculpture

We are really getting into, and onto, sculpture, here on Mars, and we hope you like it very much. Otherwise, well, like it anyway, there’s nothing to dislike, really, about modern sculpture. After all, who knows anything about it or why it even exists except to make us all feel calm and happy after a long, hard day at the solar-face (which is gradually replacing the coal-face, though you will work no less hardly, harder, hard, like very squashed coal). There are diamonds here somewhere.

Fiona and Walt mistake geometric sculptures for hammocks when they attend the wrong exhibition

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – What’s in a Name, a Couch, that’s what.

Since time immemorial (whatever that means), we have all searched for comfort. The humble couch is the answer, as we all know, or should. So next time you need a break, get the chocolate, the chocolate tuna, and the other tasty TV treats and don’t bench yourself, couch yourself, in glowing terms as well. Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

On the Help Couch, two workers explain it isn't the Help Desk, but it's far more comfortable.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist #5 – Wayfarers and Their Funny Little Ways

It’s true that it’s quite difficult to get lost on Mars. After all, Mars is only a bit more than half the size of Earth, there are no oceans to sail, and its mass (whatever that is, hahahahah) is almost 10 times less than Earth’s’s’s’s (and made of tuna – no, really!!). Getting around is a much lighter affair on Mars, too, and we all make merry lollygagging around leaping to and fro, and so on, and etcetera – you know the krill, sorry, drill.

Dr On Mars counsels a lost hiker named Larry who is as happy as Larry

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Help Desks Deserve Help, Too

If you need help, ask for it. You’ll be surprised who might step forward with wonderful suggestions about 50 ways with tuna, for example, and so on. Do try it, it can be a lovely experience. Just don’t ring this help desk, well, not today, anyway.

The Help Desk clerk insists he called the caller for help first. Meanwhile, a giraffe searches for a tree.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The FUBER (Feline Unique Bike Energy Rides) Affair

If only there was a Le Meow Sushi Bar here on Mars. We are lobbying as I write, but the vagaries of Martian retail business tend to elude me. Also, I have my sushi flown in from the Lynx constellation, though it pays to order early.

Cats and humans discussing how to propose to their loved ones

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – We’re All Out of Helps, but …

You know when you just don’t know what you feel like for lunch? Sometimes you feel like a movie star, sometimes you feel like a baker, or even a truck driver. Ignore those feelings and get into bread, bread with anything on it at all. Okay, not yucky things like – well, I won’t say because I don’t want to insult the gourmands among you who may like those yucky things. Go ahead, buy a baguette and go wild.

The Help Desk clerk advises that they're all out of helps but he has some tasty baguettes with cheese and tuna available.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist #4 – Centaurs are People, Too, Half the Time

While 9 out of 10 cats prefer to stay out of the way when centaurs are stomping around (innocent tails and all that), the other 14 have no issues with them at all. In fact, felines and centaurs tend to group together to gossip about the latest social media mythological trends over lattes and ceviche at every opportunity. Prove me wrong, go on.

A centaur with Dr On Mars lamenting that he feels like two different species