Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Magical Properties of the Humble Park Bench

Park benches are not widely seen here on Mars, though reminiscing certainly is. We all wonder about our next trip off-world, as it were. And then we realise how lucky we are to be here away from the maddening crowds of pollies, and bullies, and liars and baying hounds (that last one is for the feline among us). And we calm down, make a nice cup of tea, and spread some anchovette over a few crackers for afternoon tea. You’re welcome to the recipe – phone 1800-FISH-A-RAMA.

Old lego figures wondering if they'll ever make a comeback

 

 

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: Moai McMoaiface – Mystery or Just Another Sculpting Cult With Obsessive-Compulsive Issues

The Moai are one of my favourite mysteries of the world – if only we had some here on Mars – or maybe we do – cue thrilling music with a little vibrato.  Well, I suppose there’s a lot of information about them, and mystery may be stretching it a little. But one has to wonder why the esteemed sculptors kept making the great big heads when all around them was going to hell, not to mention treeless, foodless, and tuna-less. Ordering pizza was not an option.

On the plus side, we still have nearly 900 of the gigantic beauties to ponder over and admire. They’re monoliths, you know, and were responsible for thriving physiotherapy businesses on Rapa Nui (not a true fact, but perhaps an alternative fact – hahahahahaha).

Moai auditioning for Stonehenge tribute performance and complaining about their lot

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Old Toy Reminiscing OR Let’s Not Go Back There

You know, of course, that the Crusaders could be rather nasty types, given to wholesale bloodshed with the excuse of serving their masters, the Popes, and accumulating indulgences to keep them out of trouble in this world and the next. Silly boys! They would have done better had they learned a bit more about how to layer and honey a nice baklava, or the many lovely accompaniments to pita bread and felafel. Maybe next time.

Toy crusaders fighting and discussing old times

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Trouble With Geometry

Euclid – it’s all his fault, friends. Far be it from me, or meow, to finger an ancient angler, but hey, why not? Personally, I like the odd shapes and I’m guessing you might, too.

Euclid is known as the ‘father of geometry’ – imagine giving all those sharp little shapes and corners and angles a kiss and a hug before bedtime. Imagine the damage to the porcelain at bathtime as a 45 degree introvert collides with its obtuse over-achieving sibling. What fun, eh, Pythagoras!

The sofa, by the way, is a lovely replica of a design by Irving Harper who worked for George Nelson’s company. It’s called a marshmallow sofa – positively edible. Thanks to the talented Lorrie for her miniature replica and permission to use in this presentation.

Figure sitting on lounge made of circles discussing going around in circles with her friend

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Mumbo’s On Us, Jumbo

Did you know that alleyways really are quite the thing nowadays? Even here on Mars. They are. Formerly places my old friend, Top Cat, and his pals called home, they’ve been given the fad-on-a-stick treatment and prospered mightily.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I like my tuna bagels in a nice tea-room with delicate crockery and catnip on tap. I’ve done my time on the mean streets of the third and fourth rocks, and I like the friendly salons, heavens, I like Gertrude Stein and Alice B Toklas. What I really, really like is a bowl of plain ice-cream with a happy drizzle of genuine Canadian Maple Syrup, preferably served by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in his very nice suit.

Man eating mumbo jumbo with extra yoghurt while a cow editorialises

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Origins OR Where In The Leggy, Heady, Arm-y, Wiggy World Did I Come From Professorial Parents and other Dear Departmental Heads – #5

When I was a graduate student at Pranceton, I well remember the Snarkinpiffle brothers. They were an unfortunate mix of stumbling, bumbling, cat tail stomping dunderheads with genius level IQs. I have no sympathy whatsoever for Helen – she should know by now what my sainted mother, Mrs On Mars taught me, Never work with siblings and never work without tuna crisps.

A professor in her lab attempting to create humans despite her incompetent assistants