Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Stan & Vanessa: A Ssshort Conversssation

As my darling sister, Darling One, always says, ‘You could use a good stew, kiddo,’ to any passing thin person, animal, mammal, fish, or insect. I suspect Vanessa could have listened a little more attentively in her biology lecture on Serpentes. But hey, that’s her lookout – she has two legs, she can run, and Stan’s a tad weak after his big sleep.

Stan the snake and Vanessa the human at odds over whether or not Stan is vegetarian. Vanessa offers him delicious vegies

Advertisements

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Ponsonby: Selfie Tragic

Alas, here on Mars we, too, are afflicted by the Selfie Menace. There is nothing to be done about it other than to sweep, mop, and wipe up after their unfortunate incidents. Though I must warn any Selfie Tragics that if you come anywhere within cooee of me with one of your heinous Selfie Sticks, I shall be forced to sentence you to furball pate and social media limbo (ie, social media in outer space, which is, of course, as you well know, silent, and yes, non-existent – yay!), so think about it before you wave it about.

Man who's lost his lower half persists in taking a selfie as he's stretchered away

Last Cat On Mars Presents: T Be or Not T Be, That is the Alphabetical Question

The thing about sculpture, as my dear mother always says, is that there is always a way to find a worthy scratching post within any work of art. You just have to start somewhere, as black cat Felix is doing, and dig in. Let this be a life lesson for all of us: Start where you are, Use what you have, and Do what you can (by way of appropriate claw-centred activity in the feline example). And thank you to Arthur Ashe and Teddy Roosevelt for that exhortation.

People admire the T-square sculpture, including workers and visitors and the black cat

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Be Careful What You Wish For

If someone makes the offer, you would be foolish to refuse it – after all, coffee is the fourth most delicious beverage on all planets that I have experienced, beaten only by water, tea, and beer, in that order. But remember that ‘Closing Down Sale’ may appear on the front window in the very near future should you take advantage of the Darryls of the world. So, the cliche is true, as cliches, though boring, usually are: Do please be careful what you wish for, friends, because you may end up rather thirsty.

A customer has bought his gigantic coffee cup for free refill to Darryl's latest promotion

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – The Pointy End is Usually Sharp

My point, and I do have one, is that most felines avoid pointy things like the proverbial plague. You know, claws, fangs, those sharp bits when the toast is a little burnt – they can really lacerate the tongue and inside cheeks. Also, people who point me the wrong way to the tuna festival are the worst of all and I shall take my revenge – what? no, that wasn’t me, it was my evil twin, Second Last Cat On Mars. Calmer now, pointiness in its place, tuna on the way with Martian Eats: It’s Here or It’s There, or It’s Free.

Two people observing a sculpture called 'The Pointy End' and a cat wondering if it's for tuna kebabs

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Bernard & Felix: In The Wrong Vehicle?

Bernard wasn’t the sharpest pin in the cushion, though his competition, Felix the astounding black cat, was fierce and put everyone else in the shade (there’s very little shade on Mars, just by the way), including the bicycle fellow, who wore his own cappy little shade.

Bernard and Felix fleeing from a suspicious man in a robber's outfit

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Beware the Chess Monkey

Monkey business – who knew they could concentrate for so long, so simianly long. I, for one, have always said that there but for the grace of an ancestral divergence, go those pesky humans. Actually, I’ve never said that, but it’s probably true in one dimension or another. Calico Pawn to Feline’s Bishop 4, check.

Monkeys playing and watching chess in the park