It is almost a certainty that former hired assassins have limited knowledge of appropriate titles. On the other hand, I, for one, am not going to tell Maxwell Magillicuddy that he should, indeed, second-guess ‘Kebab Your Lamb and Other Stabby Recipes’ now that he’s turned his attention to, let us say, other victims. If he could stomach a dose of vegetarianism, ‘Coleslaw Your Carrot and Other Grating Recipes’ sounds so much less threatening, don’t you agree (unless you’re a carrot, or the friend or relative of a carrot – apologies to all long, orange vegies)?
Dr On Mars enjoyed a long career (an uncontrollable lurch downhill, as we in the trade like to call it) in public service before she left for the calmer and altogether redder climes of Mars. To celebrate the something-or-other anniversary of her escape, aka near-death experience, here’s a memory for you. (Former public servants, and meeting attendees of any stripe, please note well and save yourselves before you cross the threshold into a space from which there is no liberation).
What can it be about water coolers that attracts people, I wonder? Perhaps it’s the cool, blue water (blue?). Perhaps it’s the loveliness of a refreshing cold drink in summer. Perhaps it’s just the irresistible tuna flavour. Whatever it is, I’m queuing up for my turn, and if I learn to conga, samba, salsa, tango on the way, then so be it – I’ll be a fandangoing feline and proud of it.
Who doesn’t love a zombie? No, really, who? I try not to watch The Walking Dead but it’s like a train wreck, I cannot look away despite the nightmares and an overwhelming desire to nail the doors and windows shut and enrol in the Katanas for Fun, Pleasure and Self-Defence course at the Martian Club. So anyhoo, tuna brains – anyone tried them lately. No, me neither. Let’s all go out for beer and crackers and some crunchy cheese toast afterwards. Love, Last & All Zombie Associates xox