Tag Archives: office

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Cheesecake, Burden or Bonus?

Despite the headline up there, we all know that the humble yet fabulous cheesecake, could never be a burden, not even on your hips. Well, perhaps on your hips, but be selective, slice it thin like an after dinner mint (think how many thin slices you could have before you reach even an approximation of a full serving, think and feel all fluttery and happy).

The Help Desk chef recommends cheesecake, it's the help food of a nation.

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Would You Like A Second Helping?

It’s all very well to say restraint is the new black, or red, or whatever, but you and I both know that a lovely second helping of helpful tuna cheesecake never hurt anybody. Dig in, dudes and friends.

With a large cake on the Help Desk, the clerk suggests a second helping, it's a day ending in 'y' after all.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Have You Tried Self-Help?

Imagine how many millions, perhaps billions, of self-help texts there must be in the world. No, do not do that, you will become extremely depressed and need a self-help text to help you, which it won’t, obviously. I mean, look at the state of the world. So, why not move to Mars and read poetry instead? You know you want to.

Have you tried self-help? asks the help desk clerk. Meanwhile, the farmer suggests a pitchfork for helping activities.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Holidays Can Be Helpful, Too

You don’t need the Help Desk to tell you a break is a good thing, right? Or, maybe you do, in which case, break now and enjoy a fine whine, or perhaps simply a little whinge to your friends before you clock back on.

At the Help Desk, they're on holidays and you'll be on hold for 3 weeks until they come back.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Why Have Meetings ? (or An Ex-ex-public servant takes the mickey)

Dr On Mars enjoyed a long career (an uncontrollable lurch downhill, as we in the trade like to call it) in public service before she left for the calmer and altogether redder climes of Mars. To celebrate the something-or-other anniversary of her escape, aka near-death experience, here’s a memory for you. (Former public servants, and meeting attendees of any stripe, please note well and save yourselves before you cross the threshold into a space from which there is no liberation).

The longest meeting in the world with a long-winded member and many skeletons

 

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Day Everyone Thought The Water Cooler was The Fountain of Youth

What can it be about water coolers that attracts people, I wonder? Perhaps it’s the cool, blue water (blue?). Perhaps it’s the loveliness of a refreshing cold drink in summer. Perhaps it’s just the irresistible tuna flavour. Whatever it is, I’m queuing up for my turn, and if I learn to conga, samba, salsa, tango on the way, then so be it – I’ll be a fandangoing feline and proud of it.

Last Cat On Mars and the Water Cooler of Youth