Tag Archives: dog

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Holidays Can Be Helpful, Too

You don’t need the Help Desk to tell you a break is a good thing, right? Or, maybe you do, in which case, break now and enjoy a fine whine, or perhaps simply a little whinge to your friends before you clock back on.

At the Help Desk, they're on holidays and you'll be on hold for 3 weeks until they come back.

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: It’s Only Rocks ‘n Rollovers

My only advice is this: don’t invest in standing stones, there’s no future in them, but a hell of a past, that’s for sure. Also, ensure that you contribute to your Super fund however you can. As you age, and even those of us with nine lives, or more, do age, eventually, you will appreciate the windfall that’s coming your way as you slide into decrepitude like most of the standing stones.

In addition, standing stones are fun to read about as they embody the mysteries of human (crazy species) attempts to understand the mysterious, the thin places where dimension collides with dimension. Of course, here on Mars, there are lots of thin places due to the very light gravity compared with Earth (about 38% of the third rock’s). So, if you want to lose weight all of a sudden, come and visit with us anytime (anytime you can hail a passing rocket, that is, ahahahahahah).

Standing stones - do they ever sit?

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Whatever You Say, Say Nothing

I harboured, briefly, ambitions to be a mime, a great mime, like Marcel Marceau, the original and most silent (and possibly, the palest). Alas, I realised that the incredible advantage I possessed in the form of my most expressive, and silent, tail, would render all competition redundant.

And mimes, as you well know, dear, silent readers, are extremely combative types. Nonetheless, in my own quiet way I have continued to practice, and I now dominate the world of meowmes, so the mimes don’t have to worry or even cry out aloud about their misfortune.

Meowmes rule, though, they do.

Nervous mime performing in park for grandmother and child

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Island In The Selfie Stream

Too soon to revisit Selfieville and its strange inhabitants wherever they may find themselves? I think not. And the sooner little Brutus realises that, like Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, he may be little but he’s totes fierce, the sooner he can flee that rather gorgeous flytrap of an island and get his own Dogagram account.

Unless, of course, his human frenemy, Tasty McMeatus is about to become his very closest chum, if you know what I mean.

Man taking a selfie on a desert island while his dog complains about the meatless skeleton he has to gnaw on