Author Archives: Jay Verney

Last Cat On Mars Presents: A New Career Path – Easy Peasy or in Need of a Little Gravy

It is almost a certainty that former hired assassins have limited knowledge of appropriate titles. On the other hand, I, for one, am not going to tell Maxwell Magillicuddy that he should, indeed, second-guess ‘Kebab Your Lamb and Other Stabby Recipes’ now that he’s turned his attention to, let us say, other victims. If he could stomach a dose of vegetarianism, ‘Coleslaw Your Carrot and Other Grating Recipes’ sounds so much less threatening, don’t you agree (unless you’re a carrot, or the friend or relative of a carrot – apologies to all long, orange vegies)?

Max, the former hired assassin, becomes a celebrity chef

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A Special Announcement

Hello friends.

I am helping out a couple of earthlings today, Lorrie and Jay.

As you can see, they have just entered into wedded bliss after only 24 years of living in, well, unwedded bliss, shall we say. It helped that the Federal Govt changed its stupid Marriage laws so that everyone can now enjoy their first crockery-throwing barney together as hitched individuals. So there.

And a big shout out – SHOUT OUT – to dear Jodi for her most excellent haiku, also known as a Verandaku – and love to Wayne, too.

Wedding photo with haiku_lego couple

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist – Even Pawns Get The Blues

As a violent pacifist, I sympathise with Linda, and all of us, really, we, the many pawns of the universe, all of us made from atoms billions of years old already. You’d think they would have acquired enough wisdom by now to have nothing to do with war and mayhem. Hmmph – evolution, so protonically, neutronically, electronically slow.

Chess pawn Linda tells Dr On Mars she feels like just another pawn. Dr On Mars advises that we are all pawns.

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Band-age – It’s a Thing

Not to be judgmental, but I’m hoping that gang of peeps isn’t one of our Martian mining cohorts. On the other hand, they seem like a jolly lot, willing to ride on any passing vehicle or hayride. And, to be fair, they are looking for a musical bandwagon, rather than a bandwagon of trends and popularity, and anyone who searches for music is okay in my book, and also in my litterbox, my comfy doona, and upon my breezy, red-dusty veranda.

A group of miners gets on the wrong band-wagon

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Many Interpretations of Modern Sculpture

We are really getting into, and onto, sculpture, here on Mars, and we hope you like it very much. Otherwise, well, like it anyway, there’s nothing to dislike, really, about modern sculpture. After all, who knows anything about it or why it even exists except to make us all feel calm and happy after a long, hard day at the solar-face (which is gradually replacing the coal-face, though you will work no less hardly, harder, hard, like very squashed coal). There are diamonds here somewhere.

Fiona and Walt mistake geometric sculptures for hammocks when they attend the wrong exhibition

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – What’s in a Name, a Couch, that’s what.

Since time immemorial (whatever that means), we have all searched for comfort. The humble couch is the answer, as we all know, or should. So next time you need a break, get the chocolate, the chocolate tuna, and the other tasty TV treats and don’t bench yourself, couch yourself, in glowing terms as well. Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

On the Help Couch, two workers explain it isn't the Help Desk, but it's far more comfortable.