Author Archives: Jay Verney

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Caps ‘n Bikes, Who Doesn’t Love ‘Em

Irenaeus Indivisible is a champion of the face-to-face interview with all manner of, well, rather odd people, though they are, usually, quite kind, and simply minding their own unusual lives in peace. Go quietly amid the noise and haste, and practice your very own genre of crazy.

Interview with man in cap on bicycle

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Help Desk Chronicles – Zombie Style

It was only a matter of time before the word got out: need help, call the Zombie Help Desk and wait a very long, long time so you can scramble your brains for breakfast while multi-tasking on hold.

None of the zombies at the Zombie Help Desk know what to do when the phone rings

Last Cat On Mars Presents: When Technology and Humans Part Ways

How about those wolves, eh? Predatory, hungry, famished really, but, you know, prepared to wait for the Wolffee Treats to be distributed as an appetizer. And you wonder why we feline types tend to avoid most cross-species friendships (especially the canine), except for the human servant variety, as you yourselves encourage, dudes and friends on the third rock. And, see, technology – always a few bicycle rotations ahead of the homo sapiens brain matter. Never mind.

A man stumbles into a wolves gathering where he will surely become the dinner special, won't he?

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Therapy Animals: They have feelings, too, and they love airline snacks

It is true that a dragon may not be the most practical of therapy pets, but they are extremely loyal, and in winter they can warm your cockles very quickly. Also, in summer, you won’t need a BBQ or grill to get those kebabs charcoaled. I’m a glass half-full cat, as you can obviously tell. Plus, yes, my therapy pet is a dragon called Cholmondeley, pronounced, as you well know, Chumlee, as in chum, as in friend, as in dear, sweet pet.

Woman waiting to board her flight with her therapy dragons, Sparky and Cinders

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Stan & Vanessa: A Ssshort Conversssation

As my darling sister, Darling One, always says, ‘You could use a good stew, kiddo,’ to any passing thin person, animal, mammal, fish, or insect. I suspect Vanessa could have listened a little more attentively in her biology lecture on Serpentes. But hey, that’s her lookout – she has two legs, she can run, and Stan’s a tad weak after his big sleep.

Stan the snake and Vanessa the human at odds over whether or not Stan is vegetarian. Vanessa offers him delicious vegies

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Ponsonby: Selfie Tragic

Alas, here on Mars we, too, are afflicted by the Selfie Menace. There is nothing to be done about it other than to sweep, mop, and wipe up after their unfortunate incidents. Though I must warn any Selfie Tragics that if you come anywhere within cooee of me with one of your heinous Selfie Sticks, I shall be forced to sentence you to furball pate and social media limbo (ie, social media in outer space, which is, of course, as you well know, silent, and yes, non-existent – yay!), so think about it before you wave it about.

Man who's lost his lower half persists in taking a selfie as he's stretchered away

Last Cat On Mars Presents: T Be or Not T Be, That is the Alphabetical Question

The thing about sculpture, as my dear mother always says, is that there is always a way to find a worthy scratching post within any work of art. You just have to start somewhere, as black cat Felix is doing, and dig in. Let this be a life lesson for all of us: Start where you are, Use what you have, and Do what you can (by way of appropriate claw-centred activity in the feline example). And thank you to Arthur Ashe and Teddy Roosevelt for that exhortation.

People admire the T-square sculpture, including workers and visitors and the black cat