Author Archives: Jay Verney

Last Cat On Mars Presents: T Be or Not T Be, That is the Alphabetical Question

The thing about sculpture, as my dear mother always says, is that there is always a way to find a worthy scratching post within any work of art. You just have to start somewhere, as black cat Felix is doing, and dig in. Let this be a life lesson for all of us: Start where you are, Use what you have, and Do what you can (by way of appropriate claw-centred activity in the feline example). And thank you to Arthur Ashe and Teddy Roosevelt for that exhortation.

People admire the T-square sculpture, including workers and visitors and the black cat

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Be Careful What You Wish For

If someone makes the offer, you would be foolish to refuse it – after all, coffee is the fourth most delicious beverage on all planets that I have experienced, beaten only by water, tea, and beer, in that order. But remember that ‘Closing Down Sale’ may appear on the front window in the very near future should you take advantage of the Darryls of the world. So, the cliche is true, as cliches, though boring, usually are: Do please be careful what you wish for, friends, because you may end up rather thirsty.

A customer has bought his gigantic coffee cup for free refill to Darryl's latest promotion

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – The Pointy End is Usually Sharp

My point, and I do have one, is that most felines avoid pointy things like the proverbial plague. You know, claws, fangs, those sharp bits when the toast is a little burnt – they can really lacerate the tongue and inside cheeks. Also, people who point me the wrong way to the tuna festival are the worst of all and I shall take my revenge – what? no, that wasn’t me, it was my evil twin, Second Last Cat On Mars. Calmer now, pointiness in its place, tuna on the way with Martian Eats: It’s Here or It’s There, or It’s Free.

Two people observing a sculpture called 'The Pointy End' and a cat wondering if it's for tuna kebabs

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Bernard & Felix: In The Wrong Vehicle?

Bernard wasn’t the sharpest pin in the cushion, though his competition, Felix the astounding black cat, was fierce and put everyone else in the shade (there’s very little shade on Mars, just by the way), including the bicycle fellow, who wore his own cappy little shade.

Bernard and Felix fleeing from a suspicious man in a robber's outfit

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – Beware the Chess Monkey

Monkey business – who knew they could concentrate for so long, so simianly long. I, for one, have always said that there but for the grace of an ancestral divergence, go those pesky humans. Actually, I’ve never said that, but it’s probably true in one dimension or another. Calico Pawn to Feline’s Bishop 4, check.

Monkeys playing and watching chess in the park

Last Cat On Mars Presents: A Snapshot – What I Do In My Spare Time, Friends

On any day ending in ‘y’ – and there are a few, seven, perhaps – I try to add a few words, syllables, phrases, paragraphs, to my meowmoir. It’s a humble little thing, but it grows by degrees, and claw marks. Routine is the answer; work, the solution. Begin yours today, my dears.

Last Cat talks about her memoir, or rather meowmoir

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Occasional Observations – If You Can’t Count Them, Join Them Equationally

As we say here on Mars, maths: it’s all eeek! to me. By Euclid’s lid and Pythagoras’s triangular custard tart, it’s true, I say.

A mathematician in the museum of many-coloured cubes