Category Archives: Variety Show

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist – Even Pawns Get The Blues

As a violent pacifist, I sympathise with Linda, and all of us, really, we, the many pawns of the universe, all of us made from atoms billions of years old already. You’d think they would have acquired enough wisdom by now to have nothing to do with war and mayhem. Hmmph – evolution, so protonically, neutronically, electronically slow.

Chess pawn Linda tells Dr On Mars she feels like just another pawn. Dr On Mars advises that we are all pawns.

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Last Cat On Mars Presents: Band-age – It’s a Thing

Not to be judgmental, but I’m hoping that gang of peeps isn’t one of our Martian mining cohorts. On the other hand, they seem like a jolly lot, willing to ride on any passing vehicle or hayride. And, to be fair, they are looking for a musical bandwagon, rather than a bandwagon of trends and popularity, and anyone who searches for music is okay in my book, and also in my litterbox, my comfy doona, and upon my breezy, red-dusty veranda.

A group of miners gets on the wrong band-wagon

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The Many Interpretations of Modern Sculpture

We are really getting into, and onto, sculpture, here on Mars, and we hope you like it very much. Otherwise, well, like it anyway, there’s nothing to dislike, really, about modern sculpture. After all, who knows anything about it or why it even exists except to make us all feel calm and happy after a long, hard day at the solar-face (which is gradually replacing the coal-face, though you will work no less hardly, harder, hard, like very squashed coal). There are diamonds here somewhere.

Fiona and Walt mistake geometric sculptures for hammocks when they attend the wrong exhibition

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist #5 – Wayfarers and Their Funny Little Ways

It’s true that it’s quite difficult to get lost on Mars. After all, Mars is only a bit more than half the size of Earth, there are no oceans to sail, and its mass (whatever that is, hahahahah) is almost 10 times less than Earth’s’s’s’s (and made of tuna – no, really!!). Getting around is a much lighter affair on Mars, too, and we all make merry lollygagging around leaping to and fro, and so on, and etcetera – you know the krill, sorry, drill.

Dr On Mars counsels a lost hiker named Larry who is as happy as Larry

Last Cat On Mars Presents: The FUBER (Feline Unique Bike Energy Rides) Affair

If only there was a Le Meow Sushi Bar here on Mars. We are lobbying as I write, but the vagaries of Martian retail business tend to elude me. Also, I have my sushi flown in from the Lynx constellation, though it pays to order early.

Cats and humans discussing how to propose to their loved ones

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Your Mobile Psycatrist #4 – Centaurs are People, Too, Half the Time

While 9 out of 10 cats prefer to stay out of the way when centaurs are stomping around (innocent tails and all that), the other 14 have no issues with them at all. In fact, felines and centaurs tend to group together to gossip about the latest social media mythological trends over lattes and ceviche at every opportunity. Prove me wrong, go on.

A centaur with Dr On Mars lamenting that he feels like two different species

Last Cat On Mars Presents: Size is in the Aye of the Beholder

Yes, friends, you’ve guessed that I have a soft spot for the game of Chess, though I do not play it very well, or at all, really. I have issues with strategic planning involving war-like games, but that by no means diminishes the tomfoolery and malarkey one can enjoy with happy japes about the various representations of pieces and their predilections. Jeez, that was exhausting, I’m off to play a round of draughts/checkers with the nearest nerdy Martian.

Chess players on an oversized chess board discussing whether or not the pieces will shrink