It’s all very well to say restraint is the new black, or red, or whatever, but you and I both know that a lovely second helping of helpful tuna cheesecake never hurt anybody. Dig in, dudes and friends.
Imagine how many millions, perhaps billions, of self-help texts there must be in the world. No, do not do that, you will become extremely depressed and need a self-help text to help you, which it won’t, obviously. I mean, look at the state of the world. So, why not move to Mars and read poetry instead? You know you want to.
It is a well-known fact that all felines of taste (and that’s all of us, of course) have a big place in their hearts for the mid-century modern home of distinction, whatever its size. All that glass, all that minimalism, all those lovely sofas to scratch in such a lovingly destructive way. Mmmm mid-century, the best time of all. Let’s go there now, fellow tragics.
You only live once, friends, and you really should experience as many angles as possible in this big old angley world. My favourite is the one where I find myself slumbering peacefully at very close quarters to the nearest overflowing tuna-and-other-pescatarian-delicacies bowl at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar. Obsessive much? Hell, no, not moi.
The thing about theft is that, as in a post-truth world, it’s all in the eye, or hand, of the beholder, or the be-stealer. One cat’s burglary is another cat’s night-time stroll around the neighborhood. I mean, just ask Cary Grant in To Catch A Thief. Was there ever a more handsome, urbane, lovely and gorgeous two-legged feline as Mr Grant? The answer is: there wasn’t, and Gracie knew it, too.
In fact, do whatever you can to obtain a copy of the film so that you, too, can share in the joy of watching two thoroughbreds going through their paces. Not to mention Alfred’s involvement in the minor role of director. And while I’m at it, gather in Sabrina (the 1954 Billy Wilder version, the best and only one to watch), too, and make a rainy Saturday afternoon of it with Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart and William Holden. Now they were real movie stars, grasshopper, and don’t even get me started on Ava Gardner, Virginia Mayo, or Greer Garson. Or Errol Flynn, or Gary Cooper, or Randolph Scott. Just don’t – well, maybe another time, then.